My head hurts and my mind aches. Those should be the least of my worries.
These worn, rustic hospitals always smell the same. Like vintage tanned leather and dried blistering paint. Dried blood, frozen on the door frames melts from the murky breath of hurrying nurses.
It’s hard to keep your thoughts to yourself when you’re shoulder to shoulder with 13 other soldiers. Veterans. I can hear all of my thoughts, recollections and memories. That’s how loud they are. They scream at me uncontrollably overpowering anything and everything I do. They are stuck with me. They are now part of me, and I have to accept that. It will take time before the thoughts in my head start to disappear, and from my training back home, we are taught that time is of the essence.
I try to recall what happened. But my mind ceases to think. Ceases to ponder or explore; something I miss dearly since my deployment. I remember the days after work when I was 18; I used to snatch my bike and ride to Bromley, watch the sunset from the hill on the park and be home before 11:00 pm. Some nights, on the way back into town, I would ride along the River Thames and watch the city lights flicker and dance on the surface of the water as I ride past. Almost stunning you into a trance by the subtle beauty of a prosperous city. Although it was beautiful, no one would have guessed that Riding to Bromley wasn’t the easiest journey on the body, but the views always made up for it.
The door swings open and Lieutenant Colonel Saunders hobbles in. He was with me when it happened.
“How long are they thinking” I say, curious to find out how quick his recovery will be.
“18 months” he mutters under his breath, “…at the earliest,” he says before he collapses onto his bed.
“And you, how long are you looking at?” he asks.
I feel the pain that he is having to go through, however on a different scale. I nod with my eyes glancing downwards. “Well, it depends” I respond. “If my knee can be fixed, 12 months. If not, then a lot longer.” It’s not long before the thoughts return and flood my mind.
It was unexpected to say the least. My syndicate, Bravo, and fellow syndicate Romeo were tasked to flank the germans by attacking from the east and sweeping up the front line to
2 Comments
Add Yours →Morning Olly!
Feedback:
– avoid clumsy repetition in close succession
– ensure each sentence gives rise to the next so that you’re working towards a logical, coherent ‘whole’
– look to vary sentence construction for greater effects
Hi Olly,
Keep utilising August 18th’s feedback, as well as making sure that each paragraph is connected. Work towards creating a polished ‘whole’ where everything builds together to drive your narrative forward.